Friday, April 28, 2017

Friday's First Dump

Related: Friday's Feces

"No dump here: Posh public bathroom pops up in New York City" by VERENA DOBNIK Associated Press  April 28, 2017

NEW YORK — In a park amid Manhattan skyscrapers, a gem has emerged: a posh public bathroom that cost nearly $300,000, complete with freshly delivered flowers, imported tiles, classical music and artwork.

The free-of-charge, air-conditioned splendor— inspired by visits to the city’s priciest hotels — is open to everyone, even homeless New Yorkers. More than 1 million people a year are expected to use the facility, park officials said.

Yes, even you can take a VI Poo!

On Thursday, two bathroom attendants held toilet tissue that a park official cut as the inaugural ribbon for the high-tech facility housed in a landmarked Beaux Arts building behind the New York Public Library. The toilets — in 310 square feet divided between the women’s and men’s sides — are reopening after a three-month renovation.

A sh** photo-op -- literally!

The eye-popping, LED-illuminated elegance is unusual in a city where public toilets are scarce and generally grungy.

‘‘I’m really surprised. It’s very clean and the flowers are alive,’’ said Irena Marentic, a tourist from Slovenia, as she left the space whose walls and floors are lined with tiles from Spain and Italy and adorned with art created by Bryant Park’s painters-in-residence.

Reporters waiting outside to ask you how your poo experience went?

The women’s side has three toilet stalls, while the men’s side has two stalls and three urinals — the same number as before the renovation. The facility can’t be expanded because the space surrounding it is landmarked.

Where do the transgenders go?

The public luxury was funded privately by the Bryant Park Corp., a not-for-profit that manages the city-owned park and works to improve business in this neighborhood that includes Fifth Avenue.

‘‘We strive for perfection and only settle for excellence,’’ declared Dan Biederman, the executive director of the Bryant Park Corp. 

Our sh** don't, you know.

The team behind the new posh public bathroom visited the Waldorf and other luxury hotels for inspiration. 

It's a richer's world, and you can get a whiff of it when you poo.

A few out-of-town companies provided donations not included in the facility’s $280,000 cost. The Japanese luxury brand Toto contributed self-flushing, energy-saving toilets and hands-free faucets and wash basins. Brill Hygienic Products Inc., of Delray, Fla., supplied sanitary, electronic seat covers that rotate with each use. 

I don't like the sound of that. Goes down all the way, right? Let me give it another flush to be sure....

Attendants armed with mops keep everything clean from 7 a.m. till midnight, when the bathroom closes along with the park. By park rules, no tips are allowed. 

Might refuse it anyway considering where the hands have been.

The bathroom is most often used by visitors to the leafy, grassy refuge of Bryant Park, which draws them with its seasonal attractions including a skating rink in winter, holiday shops, outdoor movies on summer nights and free-for-all tables and chairs. 

I think I know whom to ask.

The park itself went through a makeover some years ago after decades of urban decay and crime that spilled into the bathroom, which was closed for years and reopened only in the 1990s. 

Good thing there is no longer any drug problem or anything.

Just wait until they start finding dead heroin junkies in the stalls.

With the improvement of the park, the number of visitors has increased. So, too, has the daily use of the toilets — from an average of about 1,800 in 2013 to about 3,300 last year, or 1.2 million a year, according to park officials. On the women’s side, the wait could be as long as 20 minutes

I'm not going to make it!

On Thursday, with the line growing, park workers directed people to the massive library building and more public toilets, though not quite as fancy.

As long as they are quiet.


Took a lot longer than I thought. I'm glad the web Globe provided extra paper!

I'll be back in ten minutes, readers.