"John Kerry’s stand-up at Gridiron Club" by Beth Teitell | Globe Staff, March 11, 2014
Perhaps he should give up his day job.
I'm all for it.
John Kerry, secretary of state and heretofore underappreciated stand-up comic,
showed a new side at the Gridiron Club’s annual dinner in Washington on
Saturday night.
“It truly is humbling to be here,” he told the crowd of high-powered
journalists and public figures gathered at the Renaissance Washington
Hotel, according to a transcript provided by Kerry’s office, which also
apparently had a laugh meter running. “I know this speaking spot is
obviously usually reserved for the President of the United States, so
it’s not lost on me at all that I wasn’t your first choice. (Laughter.) Or his. (Laughter and applause.) When President Obama asked me to take his place tonight, I have to tell you, my first thought was, ‘Finally.’ (Laughter.) Then I realized he meant just for tonight. (Laughter.) Actually, [Gridiron president] Clark Hoyt’s
second choice for tonight to represent the Administration was the head
of NSA, but he just said, ‘No thanks, I’ll just listen in.’ (Laughter.)
Yeah, that last one is real funny, har-har-har!
“It’s really so nice to see so many of you here tonight,” Kerry
continued. “It’s really wonderful to be able to put faces to the
metadata. (Laughter.)
The lawless tyranny is all a joke to them!
Tonight, we just heard a song
reminding us of the motto, ‘Singe, don’t burn,’ and I absolutely promise
that I will adhere to the golden rule, ‘Singe, don’t burn,’ which
happens to also be the motto of [Speaker of the US House of
Representatives] John Boehner’s
tanning salon. (Laughter.)
Related: Behead Boehner
“Now, I was kind of struck by the song you sang earlier tonight that
said something like, ‘Schmooze with John Kerry, have a glass of wine,
and maybe we’ll get out of here on time,’ or something to that effect.
Now, folks, you do know I was a senator — (laughter) — for 30 years, and you scheduled me to speak last. (Laughter.) So this actually could be the first Gridiron in history that started on Saturday and ends on Sunday. (Laughter.)
“I got to tell you, looking out at all of you folks in your fancy
clothes, very dapper tonight, white tie and tails, or as we call it at
our house, workout gear. (Laughter.) Or as we call it at our other house, pajamas. (Laughter.) Or as we call it at our other house, swimming costumes. (Laughter.)
I'm so glad Kerry can joke about so many houses he has with the epidemic of homelessness -- including many veterans -- in America.
Which, by the way, reminds me of a very special message President Obama
asked me personally to deliver to all of you tonight: If you like your
rented tuxedo, you can keep it.” (Laughter and applause.)
That's real, real funny!
--more--"
I heard his act was so bad someone wanted to kill him.
Oh, no WMD over here!
Kerry wasn't laughing then?
Other witticisms from Kohn Kerry:
"Secretary of State John Kerry on Wednesday compared the law to oppressive government crackdowns on German Jews in the 1930s and black South Africans during apartheid, saying he was going to direct American ambassadors to look at how the United States deals with what he called a human rights challenge."
Related:
Tie US aid to repeal of antigay laws
Globe Shoving Gay Agenda Down Our Throats
Defense of marriage ban in Michigan starts rocky
I'm so confused about what to post!
"Secretary of State John Kerry described Ukraine as just one example of a nation where overbearing governments and corruption have met a sharp public backlash and demands for democracy."
It happened in the U.S., but Occupy was smashed and then co-opted.
"Kerry insisted the United States is playing a critical role in furthering global peace:
“We are leading across the globe,” he repeated several times during the round table in his ornate seventh-floor suite in the State Department, with his 9-month-old yellow Labrador retriever, Ben, at his side. “I think there has never been a time in our history where the United States is playing as significant a role in as many places simultaneously as we are today. All of those things [the cuts to the State Department budget and calls to curtail foreign aid] diminish our ability to do things. The United States is not a poor nation. We are the richest nation on the planet. We are beginning to behave like a poor nation. And I’ve heard the rhetoric: ‘Ahh, I’d rather put the money in here rather than over there.’ It is an easy applause line on the campaign trail.”
One of the loudest critics has been in Israel.
Obama plans personal role in Mideast peace bid
A framework, a road map, that's all failed. All I know is I have chronicled a lot of his outlandish statements over the last two years.
If I come across any more jokes I'll be sure to tell them.
"U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry ‘‘conveyed that, as we often do, there is an off-ramp here,’’ State Departments spokeswoman Jen Psaki said. While Washington respects Russia’s interests, they ‘‘in no way justify military intervention or the use of force.’’
That's funny coming from his department.
"Secretary of State John Kerry’s seemingly offhand comment Tuesday in Brussels that perhaps some other Afghan official could sign the security agreement if Karzai would not raised hackles in Kabul."
He's playing Kabul now?!
